Songs I Wish Were Written About Me.

It's been a suuuuper long time since I wrote anything...mostly because I've been reading Lord of the Rings, which is a good but extremely long read. I literally just finished the first book, a month later. Also, I've been busy being a teacher, being an introvert/hermit, and watching "The Walking Dead", so I haven't been focusing on writing my thoughts very much...I'm just saying them aloud to myself like an insane person. But enough about my sad life...

I've been thinking a lot about music...and my weakness for musicians/writers. (Especially certain bearded banjo players...ahem, Winston Marshall, marry me!) I also think it's probably one of my life goals to have a song written about me...swoon! It's not like you can ask someone to write a song about you though; you have to do something really awesome to become a muse. I have yet to do anything so awesome that would make me a muse, unless someone is writing a song entitled "Awkward Girl Across the Bar Who Makes Strange Facial Expressions and Only Drinks Wine". Alas, that is incredibly specific and I would probably be the only person who would download it on iTunes. Plus, subtlety and metaphors go a long way in songwriting. I have compiled a list of songs I wish were written about/for me, so songwriting sexy men, take note:

1.) "Swept Away" by the Avett Brothers. Banjo, beards (you can't see them, but you can imagine them), need I say more? Also, the lyrics are pretty sweet.
Swept Away by The Avett Brothers

2.) "She Is" by Ben Rector. I really hope this song could be about me, except that I'm not from Boston.
She Is by Ben Rector

3.)"Make You Feel My Love" by Bob Dylan. Pretty sure this is THE most romantic song written. I'm linking a cover because Bobby D doesn't have the best voice.
"Make You Feel My Love" by Bob Dylan (Adele covering)

4.)"Everything" by Michael Buble. It's Michael Buble...I mean, MY GOD.
Everything by Michael Buble

5.)"Whatever It Is" by Zac Brown Band. This one doesn't need to be explained.
Whatever It Is by ZBB

6.)"Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol. I don't think this song ever gets old. Freshman year of college, what up!
Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

7.) "She's Everything" by Brad Paisley. This man can write a love song like no other. This song makes me wish I had brown hair.
She's Everything by Brad Paisley

8.) "The Way You Look Tonight" performed by Frank Sinatra. "That laugh that wrinkles your nose, it touches my foolish heart" is so much better than "you're hot". Classic.
The Way You Look Tonight-Frank Sinatra

The Anti-Mr. Darcy Effect

Recently, I was watching Pride and Prejudice (one of my top 10 favorite movies and books), and I got to thinking about two different kinds of men in this world--granted, not the only two, because this is a big world and I know there are MANY different kinds, but for the sake of this post, I'm discussing only two--the Mr. Darcy-esque men and the Mr. Wickham-esque men.

It's every girl's dream to meet her Mr. Darcy...he seems like a jerk at first, but is actually good and true and kind and you can "bewitch him body and soul". (There's a whole group of people like Mr. Darcy, the ones who are stand-offish at first but aren't actually rude or prideful once you give them a chance--they're called introverts. I understand because I am one, and I probably relate more to Darcy than Elizabeth.)  It takes Mr. Darcy longer to decide to reveal his true self, which is fine.  He wants to make sure you are worthy of his trust before he opens up and shows he has a heart.

On the other hand, there are the Mr. Wickhams of this world. These men seem friendly and fun-loving at first but turn out to be swindlers, womanizers, sadists, misogynists, etc. Basically, they seem nice initially but reveal themselves to be completely full of crap. I call this the "Anti-Mr. Darcy Effect". Rather than seeming like a jerk at first, like Darcy, the Mr. Wickhams seem awesome at first but end up being jerks in the end.

Unfortunately, the true Darcy men of this world seem to be in shorter supply than the Wickhams.  If only the Mr. Wickham types would show their true nature from the very beginning, we could run for the hills and save ourselves a lot of heartache and bitter resentment--unless you're like Lydia Bennet and you're into that crap. But as is, I guess figuring out people's intentions as you're getting to know them is part of the fun.

7 TV Men that Girls Wish Were Real

They're fictitious. They're adorable. Why don't these guys exist in real life?

1.) Chandler Bing. He's hilarious. He's hopeless and awkward and desperate for love. We're perfect for each other.

2.) Seth Cohen. He's a quirky, hot, comic book nerd who listens to good music and rides a skateboard. These don't come along often.

3.) Ted Mosby--because who doesn't want a guy who steals a blue french horn for them? (Never mind the awkwardness of saying "I love you" on the first date.)

4.) Jim Halpert. He's a great practical joker, a romantic, and the dude waited like 3 years to finally get out of the friend zone. HERO.

5.) Matthew Crawley. Inherits Downton Abbey and a crap ton of money, still works as a lawyer because he wants to help the less fortunate. Swoon.

6.) Nick Miller. He's scruffy, he's sarcastic, he has no ambition, he's crippled with fear of commitment...oh wait, this guy does exist. We've probably all dated him. (Except that Nick Miller is far more adorable and lovable. With better facial expressions.)

7.) James "Sawyer" Ford. He's the perfect bad boy. He's Southern. He likes to read classic literature in his spare time. He could call you "Freckles" or some other cute nickname. He could protect you from the smoke monster. We could overlook the whole con-man thing.

LA Adventures

Ahhh...the "city of angels", so ironically named. I now believe I have experienced "the" LA scene. My first night, I went to an art show called "Sweat Baby Sweat". Walking into it reminded me of going into my first college party, except for instead of everyone trying to fit in with the frat guys/sorority girls,  everyone was trying to fit in by being as quirky and weird as possible. (What happened to just being yourself?) Instead of everyone wearing polo shirts and sundresses, like they would be on my home planet, these strange new people were wearing leather jackets, combat boots, half shaved heads, Fresh Prince style patterned shirts, cool vintage dresses, etc. I was highly intrigued! But, I think I stood out like a sore thumb. First of all, I looove to eat. (No vegan/vegetarianism going on with this gal!) Second of all, I enjoy washing and styling my hair. Third, I love wearing fun, extremely girly dresses. I think my only saving grace was my awkward demeanor and "hipster" glasses. I'm too quirky for SC, not nearly quirky enough for these people.
Almost immediately, I was faced with a dilemma: are all these artsy LA guys just extremely fashionably dressed/metro sexual or are they gay? (Typically, in SC, if they're male and super fashionable, they're likely gay.)  I found the best way to break these stereotypes is to just bite the bullet and flirt with the guy. My night ended in a quite LA fashion...the extremely sexy, well-dressed guy turned out to just be a really fashionable budding artist, who got my number and took me to a studio to check out some of his art/sculptures. Meow! Except he never called me...typical. It's the experience that's cool, right?
Anyhow, the rest of my trip to LA included cruising in Beverly Hills, shopping at the Grove, going with my model friend to one of her auditions (don't try this if you want to feel good about yourself), eating extremely expensive "organic" meals (shoot me. I also actually purchased an all organic, fresh pressed smoothie as well. Shoot me again. When in Rome?), walking around Echo Park, and visiting Fox studios. My all time favorite thing that I did, however, was completely free. Hiking up to the Griffith Observatory in Los Feliz was by far the most awesome thing EVER. If you ever go to LA, don't bother hiking up to the Hollywood sign. You can see it perfectly from the Observatory, and the Observatory is cooler--in my humble opinion. (I have included pictures to prove my point.) Until next time!

View from my friend's house in West Hollywood

On set at UFC tonight

The Griffith Observatory-too big to fit in the picture

Griffith observatory from the hike

The iconic Hollywood sign

Echo Park

OMG Or-gah-nic

Another thing I have noticed since being in Southern California is the obsession with being "green" and eating "organic".  It seems like many here are what we in the South refer to as "foodies".  Since it is "cool" to consume food that my dear Ron Swanson would refer to as "rabbit food", you do it. It doesn't matter that wheatgrass or quinoa or kale (which I have lovingly dubbed "Broccoli's hipster cousin") have been eaten by people for literally hundreds of years, we MUST consume them now that they are trendy!

This started because I was in Beverly Hills with my family and asked my friend (who is a model in LA) where to go eat. She suggested some place called "Urth" that was all organic with "fresh pressed juices", etc. etc.  I laughed and said that I doubted that my father, a normal, red-blooded South Carolinian male, would want to go eat a salad and some fresh-pressed juice. She responded by jumping down my throat and lecturing ME about GMOs (an acronym I do not understand nor care to look up) and other things I don't really remember. Rather than eating a fully non-organic bacon cheeseburger in protest, I decided to make an informed decision by trying something from the "fresh pressed juicery" near the non-organic restaurant my dad chose to eat at. Well, I should say I ALMOST bought something, until I saw that a soda-can-sized bottle of juice was a whopping $7.58! It would be more cost-efficient for me to go plant my own trees, wait on the fruit to grow, and press it myself!  I ended up going next door and buying 2 cupcakes from Sprinkles for less than that amount--and they were DELICIOUS!

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for eating healthy and avoiding preservatives, etc. etc. I am not, however, for casting judgments on people who don't OR for paying three times as much for something that tastes the exact same simply because the label says "organic".  Perhaps if I were an actress or a desperate housewife living in Cali, I would have the extra cash to pay for only organic products. (If organic really is the healthiest way to go, they shouldn't make it so dang expensive!) As it is, I am a lowly teacher who may occasionally splurge on a $2.99 Naked Juice from the Fresh Market--and I HATE quinoa.

Sooooo Cal.

Hello there...it's been a while...(cue awkward pause)...

For those of you who don't know, I decided to step way (as in 3,000 miles away from my home) out of my comfort zone and spend the rest of my summer in Southern California staying at my Dad's house. This is not something I would typically do--randomly deciding to go out of the state for a month and a half without a single friend to keep me company--but I figured I am only young once, I have no kids/husband/real obligations for the next month, and I may not have another opportunity to go exploring and adventuring by myself again. (Thank goodness I am a lone wolf/independent sort anyway, otherwise I would feel extremely lonely and friendless.)  So, I may as well take a chance and DO something spontaneous!

I have only been here 6 days so far...but there are some very vital things I have noticed about the Southern California lifestyle:

1.) They call Hardees "Carl's Jr.". It seems to be much more popular here than in SC. Probably because we also have Bojangles and Krispy Kreme.
2.) I have yet to meet anyone who actually talks like The Californians on SNL. (Dammit!)
3.) The fashion sense in men here is very confusing. My sees and I have nicknamed it "Skugsterfarian".
Skugsterfarian= a combination of the skater, thug, hipster, and Rastafarian fashion styles. Highly popular in SoCal. You can also be a combo of any of the aforementioned styles simultaneously: skug, thugster, skipster, etc. (I will try to provide photo documentation of this phenomenon at some point.)
4.) It's REALLY FREAKING COLD on the beach until about 3 in the afternoon. I am not accustomed to this because at the beach in South Carolina it is disgustingly hot and humid all day long. You can probably gather that I prefer the weather of Southern California.

I will continue to chronicle my adventures in lovely So Cal...next time with pictures as well! :)

Life imitating art.

I was watching "She's All That" recently, thanks to Netflix, and it got me thinking about predictable high school movies. Was anyone's high school actually like that? The extreme school spirit, the overly bitchy Mean Girls-esque popular crowd that does terrible things to the unfortunate, awkward and nerdy kids?  The popular boys making bets to see who can turn the weird, artsy girl into Prom Queen? The rich kids that discriminate against the poor kids? The cheerleaders cheering the name of a singular football player who is obviously carrying the entire team to victory all on his own? Either my high school was into going against the social norm or all of those movies are giving a completely unrealistic portrayal of high school. (What?! Movies are lying??)

I mean, no one poured pig's blood on me or anything or stood me up for the big dance. I was just a typical teenage girl, neither popular nor unpopular. The worst thing that ever happened to me happened my senior year, when I walked into a party and someone yelled, "What the F**K is Meredith Wicker doing here?!" like I was some sort of social pariah and making the party decidedly less cool with my unwanted presence. (In reality, I was just a really good girl who sang for the church band and had never been to a party with underage drinking before.) I also had a girl send me a carnation on Valentine's Day saying it was from this cute guy in hopes that I would go up and thank him and he would have no idea what I was talking about and I would be royally embarrassed. (Sorry for the run-on sentence.) Thankfully, I figured out it was an evil trick and saved myself from further social awkwardness. I guess people WERE a little mean at my high school?

But fear not, awkward high schoolers, none of that crap even matters when you graduate. No one cares if you were picked on or not. Many of the "cool kids" end up not going to college, staying in their home towns, and hanging out with the same people for the rest of their lives.  The football players will likely gain huge beer bellies and still throw parties for underage kids, while the weird, artsy girl becomes a famous painter or a graphic designer who lives in a hip loft apartment in New York City.  Life can sometimes be wonderfully fair.

An Ode to Summer

Oh, summer time...the season of sun-kissed skin, sandy toes, and windows and sun-roof rolled down to let in the summer breeze. No one ever mentions the over-friendly mosquitoes, "Palmetto Bugs"-aka cockroaches-the size of your hand, or the miserable humidity.  My "summer look" consists of an abnormal amount of freckles and moles (thanks, English/German/Irish ancestors!); my "sun-kissed" skin turns just slightly pink all summer, never tan or brown, and the humidity makes my wavy-ish hair frizzy and disgusting. (What's up with girls loving their "beachy waves"? No such thing exists for me. My hair turns into dreadlocks after I emerge from the ocean.)  Also, I'm not going to beat around the bush...I don't have a summer glow; I'm just sweating from the humidity. ALL THE TIME. (And everyone wonders why I prefer fall in the mountains so much?)

Now don't get me wrong, living in a sleepy, Southern beach town during the summer does have its perks:
1.) I don't have to drive far to get to the beach. (Which would be more of a perk if I actually tanned.) None of that packing up all your crap and driving 2 hours. It takes me less than 5 minutes.
2.) Our town has a ballin' fourth of July parade. And a boat parade. TOP THAT, AMERICA.
3.) The likelihood of meeting an attractive guy that you DIDN'T go to high school with increases ten-fold because it's tourist season. (Downside: he leaves after a week and it's back to the same old familiars.)
4.) I don't have to work in the summer because I'm a teacher. To all of those who didn't choose this career path because of the monetary aspect: You don't have summers off, suckas!
5.) I get to see scenery like this, every day:

(Yes, that's my leg. It actually looks tan thanks to the filter. Thanks, Instagram!)

What was I thinking?!

Have you ever looked back at someone you were dating and wondered what the heck you were thinking when you liked them? Like, just the sight of them now makes you angry, annoyed, and/or physically ill?  And the very thought of them touching you makes you want to run and hide?  (Or buy a taser and some pepper spray?)

Breaking up IS tough to do.  Personally, I find that the easiest way to do it is to be blunt and straight forward and hurt their feelings a little bit, just to make sure that they don't still pine for you. (I wish I could say that this actually works for me. It doesn't.)  I am unfortunately sometimes the "one that got away" or in some cases "the one that sprinted far, far away in terror without ever looking back".  If someone does something that I find unforgivable--or something that shows evidence of their mental instability, I'm not going to willingly welcome them back into my life.  I'm sorry, but "I do not like you or want to be around you again EVER because you are literally psychotic" is not me playing hard to get or being coy.  It is not a green light to try harder to win me over.  I am not trying to be a challenge.  I just actually don't want to speak to you.  

...I should really get a job helping Taylor Swift compose some of her break-up songs. They would be much more scathing and probably slightly less catchy. 

A Vivid (and somewhat scary yet hysterical) Memory

The year was 2001.  We had just moved from Irmo, SC to Pawleys Island, and were leaving early in the morning to go to Columbia for a USC Gamecock football game. I was 13 and my younger sister was 9.  We stopped by a local breakfast establishment to pick up some biscuits and a Yoohoo for my sister and I to share. I took a sip of the Yoohoo and then handed it over to my sister and started eating my biscuit. Seconds later, my sister starts yelping in pain. I look over to see that her tongue, which she has jammed down into the glass Yoohoo bottle, is STUCK.

"Uhh...Dad?" I manage. "Olivia's tongue is stuck in the Yoohoo bottle!" Mom turns around from the front seat and tries to pull the bottle. Olivia winces. The bottle doesn't budge. Dad yanks at the bottle. Olivia yelps in pain, tears streaming down her face. The bottle WON'T COME OFF. Her tongue is now TURNING BLACK, PEOPLE. I start crying hysterically, because I think that Olivia is going to have no tongue for the rest of her life. We call the ER on the way to give them a heads-up about what's coming for them. They, of course, have never seen anything like it.

15 minutes later, we got to the ER and were rushed in. After much deliberation, the doctors decided they could not break the bottle or drill a hole in it without seriously injuring Olivia's mouth (more than it already was). They ended up slipping a tiny tube in the bottle beside her tongue to break the suction. Her tongue ended up being just fine, but she never drank a Yoohoo from the bottle ever again.

Let go, jump in...

Today's blog everyday in May assignment is to respond to the term "letting go".

(First of all, it made me think of this really awesome song: Let Go by Frou Frou from Garden State and The Holiday and I'm sure a bunch of other movies.)

To me, "letting go" means letting go of the things in your life that weigh you down and keep you from moving forward.  For me, personally, it means letting go of the fear of the unknown and letting go of bad relationships. The unknown is scary for me.  I like knowing where I'm going to be and I like to have friends.  Letting go is stepping out of your comfort zone.  As far as letting go of bad relationships, I've learned that some people are meant to be in your past. Things did not work out for a REASON. Don't look back, you're moving forward.  Letting go means not being afraid to move on to something bigger and different and more rewarding. Let go, jump in.

5 of my jams...

1.) After the Storm by Mumford & Sons
This song has gotten me through some terrible days, as lame as it sounds.  It is so hopeful and amazing.  It contains my favorite line from any song ever: "Get over your hill and see what you find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair." I even made a painting of it! :)

2.) Old Pine by Ben Howard
This is just an incredibly soothing song. His voice is so pretty. And he's not bad looking, either.

3.) Paradise by Coldplay
This song just reminds me of myself. SO MUCH.

4.)Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell
A semi-depressing song about the ups and downs of life and romance. Joni gets my sad little heart sometimes.

5.) Girl From the North Country by Bob Dylan
Because Bob Dylan and his harmonica. Enough said.

My favorite adventures in pictures...

These are some of my favorite photos I've taken of places I've been. The world is amazingly beautiful.

Red Rock Canyon, near Las Vegas

La Jolla, California

My sister and me at Arenal in Costa Rica

Cinque Terre, Italy

My sister and I at Blarney Castle in Ireland

Big Ben, obvi.

Venice, Italia

Almost 15 versus almost 25.

Well, I'm turning 25 in less than a month and it's got me thinking about growth and change and all that nonsense. So, I have composed a list of pros and cons of being 25 versus being 15.

Pros:

• I've actually been kissed now, so the whole "never been kissed" thing is no longer a source of anxiety for me. (Yes...I didn't have my first kiss until I was almost 17.)
• I know how to drive (sort of).
• I no longer feel the need to try to impress people so that they think I'm cool.  I think I'm freakin' awesome and that's really all that matters. Most of the people who were actually cool and popular peaked in high school anyway.
• I don't have braces or a retainer.
• I no longer have to hide my thong underwear from my mother. Did anyone else do that or was it just me?
• I don't have to sneak alcohol from my friend's parents' liquor cabinets. No more vodka and Dr. Peppers! (Vom. Who would willingly drink that crap? The answer is me.)
• If I want to have a "gentleman caller", I don't have to be stealthy about it. He can just come back to "my place". Too bad this has literally NEVER happened. 

Cons:

• I can no longer go to prom without being seen as a child molester.  Or as a chaperone.  Now, the only occasions I get dressed up for are other people's weddings. 
• I use WRINKLE CREAM on my face. (Mostly as a preventative measure, but STILL.)
• I ALWAYS have to do the dreaded ring check.  When I was 15, no one was married or had children. 
• I can't wear tiny short shorts from Abercrombie or Hollister without looking sleazy. I mean, I've always had a big butt but now it's just obscene. Thank GOD Abercrombie and Hollister shorts aren't fashionable anymore anyway.
• I have to pay for my own car. And rent. And groceries. Being an adult is not that fun. 
• Some places have stopped carding me for buying alcohol. That just makes me feel ancient.

...after much deliberation, I've decided that I'm glad to be 25 instead of 15.  Ask me again in 10 years and I'll likely be whistling a different tune. 

Hit the nail on the head with that one.

Today on the Challenge: *Something someone told you about yourself that you'll never forget.*

About a year ago, I went on a date or two with this guy who was a high school history teacher. (I'm going to call him "teacher guy" because I have absolutely no clue what his actual name is.)  On our first date, we went to walk around the Capitol building in Columbia, SC.  We were talking about teaching jobs, and I, at this point, was still trying to find one.  I was explaining to him how terrible I am at interviews, when he said, "I think the reason you don't have a teaching job is because it's really obvious you just don't give a shit what other people think about you." At first, I was a little offended because of his brutal honesty, but then I thought about how that trait is actually a really good one to have. I don't care what other people think of me, and I'm never going to try to change myself to impress anyone. (Maybe a lot of teachers are suck-ups? I don't know.) 

Anyway, I ended up only going out on one more date with him after that because he had a terrible sense of humor. He actually continuously quoted "Dude, Where's My Car?" 12 years after it came to theaters. But, what he said to me did stick with me. Thanks for the insight into myself, teacher guy! 

My 3 Worst Traits...

A few weeks ago, I highlighted the ten most awesome things about myself. Now for the worst...

1.)  I am incredibly scatterbrained and forgetful.  I valiantly make a to-do list and then immediately misplace it.

2.)  I am terrible at communicating/opening up.  I'm even terrible at simply keeping in touch with people that I don't see on a regular basis. I'm a bad long distance friend.

3.)  I get jealous.  Not the yelling, key your car, steal your phone and read all your texts jealous...just the silent, fuming, quiet kind of jealous where you say "What's wrong?" and they say "Nothing" but expect you to know what's going on. (Which I think may be just as bad as the other kind of jealous.)

Hopefully the awesome things about me make up for these bad traits. I certainly think so. 

What they don't teach you in school...

Today's topic: things you've learned that school won't teach you. 

1.) Good things come to those who wait. (and wait...and wait..)  I spent the two years after my graduation from college wondering what was WRONG with me that I had not found a teaching job yet and most of my peers had. I spent many nights  depressed in my room, looking at education ideas on Pinterest, wondering if I would ever get to USE them.  (It sounds silly now, but I really was quite depressed.) I spent HOURS prepping for interviews that I would eventually mess up because of my nerves and perfectionist tendencies.  Then, FINALLY, 2 months into this past school year, a job at an awesome school just fell into my lap. I wasn't even the least bit nervous at the interview.  Now, to be patient about finding the man of my dreams. 

2.) Don't waste your time and energy waiting on someone who doesn't try to spend time with you.  I am an incredibly loyal person when it comes to men.  I will wait and wait for someone if I think they're worth it. But the truth is, if someone makes you wait that long, they probably aren't worth the wait.  A F. Scott Fitzgerald quote comes to mind, "No sir, the girl really worth having won't wait for anybody." AMEN.

3.) A little thank you note goes a LONG way. People appreciate you appreciating them. It's as simple as that. 

Favorite posts...

I've been (sort of) doing the "Blog Every Day in May" thing, and since I have only had my blog for like a month, I am only going to link to 2 of my favorite posts instead of 5.

The first...Becoming Edith Crawley. Wrote this semi-bitter diatribe about 2 weeks ago after attending a festival with my younger seester and her boyfriend.  I had an excellent time, but for some reason, several people felt the need to encourage me to not "give up hope" in finding my own boyfriend. (I hadn't, but that's not what they thought for some reason. If I start to wear sweatpants all the time and balloon up to 200 pounds, be concerned.)

The second...Old Lady Problems. This is basically me highlighting all the reasons I love staying in most of the time instead of going out. If only someone could hand-deliver a sexy dude to my house to hang out with me. He'd probably think it was awesome that I don't wear bras or pants.

Creepers Need Lovin' Too?

Today, I had a perfect(ly terrifying) stranger leave me a note saying he'd like to have "A intelligent convo" with me and give ME his number. Other than not knowing what kind of "intelligent" conversation I could possibly have with an individual who says A intelligent instead of an intelligent, I genuinely wonder what kind of vibes I could be putting down that would leave someone to think that I would respond favorably to a move like that. Perhaps he interpreted my aloof politeness as a green light? Did he honestly think I would call him and not be the least bit freaked out? I'm really concerned by the methods people will use just to hit on someone they don't even know, but I'm MORE concerned about any lonely, sad woman who would actually respond to them.

For example, ever looked through the Craigslist "missed encounters" or romance sections just for a laugh? If you haven't, you should. It's incredible how pathetic some people can be. Like, "Hey, I saw you at the gas station and you was lookin' so sexxxy in your white jeans and crop top, but you was with your boyfriend. If you want to get wit a real man, let me know wut kinda car you was driving and we can hook up." Like, SERIOUSLY. Who would actually ANSWER one of those ads? And what type of quality person would be seriously looking for love on CRAIGSLIST?!? (Clearly, these people don't watch enough E! murder specials, or they'd be more cautious like I am.)

This reminds me...I seriously need to invest in some pepper spray.

I don't want good and I don't want good enough.

So, I was out with some friends last night and one of my guy friends (who has been married for a few years) was asking me about my "love life"/lack thereof. Of course. (These sorts of encounters seem to be what my blog is mostly about.)  Now--backstory--in my tiny beach town, there are next to NO attractive, single men. At least no attractive, single men without a lot of baggage--illegitimate children, drug/alcohol problems, angry ex-wives, Peter Pan syndrome, etc. It is a beautiful, picturesque place, but a terrible, miserable place to live if you're single. Especially if you're single and socially awkward like I am. Anyhow, my friend was asking me why I can't be as open and charming in person as I am online because he thinks I am, in his words, "one of the most desirable single girls in our town". (He was being way too nice, in my opinion.)  I was super embarrassed when he said that, of course, and I told him about how I'm pretty introverted and usually only really charming and funny around people I know. Being that way doesn't exactly get you a lot of dates--which I think was his point.

I think my problem (or maybe my strength) is that I set really ridiculously high standards for men.  I am an over-thinker and occasionally a play-it-safer. I have gone out with a couple of guys in my town but there's always something that isn't quite right.  Either they have no sense of humor or they're too shy or they're secretly a huge douche bag or they're really only after one thing--and it's not my witty and amazing company--there's always something that isn't spot on.

Maybe it's idealistic of me, but I can't help but believe that if a guy really is "the one"--as cheesy and Disney princess-y as it sounds--I'm not going to have to TRY that hard and have to convince myself to like him.  I just WILL. I want to be completely and totally SOLD. If I'm not completely crazy about the guy, then what's the point of wasting my time?

A Favorite Photo

I hate taking pictures alone so it took a while for me to find a picture of myself (for this Blog Everyday In May thing that I've been sort-of participating). This picture is of me on my trip to Italy my Junior year of college.  I had wanted to go to Italy for as long as I could remember and I was completely ecstatic to get to go. (Doesn't even matter to me that I'm still paying it off now!) Anyway, this picture is taken in Cinque Terre on the "walk of love". It's by far the most beautiful place that I have ever seen. Anyone who is going on a honeymoon...this is seriously the place to go. Plus, Cinque Terre is home to a hole in the wall Italian restaurant that made the best lasagna I've ever had. 

Yep, I need to start saving up to go to Italia again. Anywhere you can drink wine at every meal and not be judged is idyllic to me!

Ten things that make me really happy...

In no particular order, 10 things that make me happy:

1.) Receiving a hand written card or letter.
2.) Receiving a mixed CD and listening to it for the first time (you'd think my love language was Gifts, but it's actually quality time.)
3.)  When people actually get my jokes/references.
4.)  Dancing like a complete idiot.
5.)  Fall in the mountains.
6.)  Anything flavored with pumpkin--which is more abundant in the fall.
7.)  Books that you can read a billion times and never get sick of.
8.)  Watching any movie--particularly Pride and Prejudice or Stepbrothers --with my sister.
9.) Seeing old friends for the first time in a long time.
10.) Chivalry.

My Sincerest Apologies...

To most people with whom I'm barely acquainted:

I'm sorry if I seem bitchy, stand-offish, or rude.  I promise I don't hate you.  It just takes me a while to get to know people and to come out of my shell.  I am what most would call a "classic introvert".  I prefer a small group of people that I know well and am comfortable with.  You'd be much more likely to see me smiling and laughing at a relaxed dinner with friends than at a noisy bar with a bunch of random people I probably have no desire to get to know.  If I don't say much to you, it's nothing personal, it's just that I don't KNOW you.  Just take the time to talk with me, and you will see I'm actually pretty hilarious and fun.

Sincerely,
Meredith

Becoming Edith Crawley?

Over the past few months I have become obsessed with Downton Abbey.  If you have not watched it, you should.  And don't worry, I will not give away any spoilers... But for those who have watched it and know what I'm talking about, I'm about to make some Downton references. I've always considered myself to be a combo of the personalities of Mary and Matthew.  However, as of late, I'm starting to relate with Edith, the middle sister and self-proclaimed "useful spinster".  NOT because I see myself that way, but because I think other people are starting to see me that way.

Last night, I went with my younger sister, her boyfriend, and a couple of good friends to a shagging (the dance) festival in my hometown.  Everyone gets dressed up, eats barbecue, drinks beer and blueberry wine, listens to live music, and dances all night. It's a pinnacle of Lowcountry culture. It's always an amazing time. Anyhow, last night I had three people talk to me separately about how "the right guy will come along when I least expect it" and to "not give up hope" or "settle".  By the end of the second conversation, I felt somehow embarrassed and just ended up nodding and rolling my eyes. I don't know if it was because my younger sister had a boyfriend with her or what provoked these "inspirational" talks.  Perhaps I looked depressed as I was dancing and having a good time with my girl friends? It is a known fact that I do want to get married, but I don't know how me "giving up hope" was put on the table. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not one to ever settle or give up hope on romance.  I watched too many damn Disney movies for that to happen.

The truth is, I am not someone who appreciates being pitied or felt sorry for. Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure these "pep talks" I've been receiving come from people with good intentions. These people truly care about me and want the best for me. I love them for it. It also really annoys me.  Maybe, I have too much pride. But, I do know that I'm going to eventually end up where I'm supposed to be and with whoever I'm supposed to be with.  I know I can be cynical at times, but I'm never going to "give up hope"; it's not in my nature.

Me in 10 Words

Honest. Witty. Laid Back. Silly. Genuine. Caring. Quirky. Romantic. Original.

Want to be my friend yet? Just wait til you find out my flaws. They're not so pretty...

I Can't Just Pick ONE.

I feel like my life is a STRING of embarrassing and awkward moments.

For instance, there was the time I fell off of my super tall platform shoes while getting off of the bus in the seventh grade.  I grabbed the bookbag of the hot guy in front of me and pulled him on to the ground with me.  I had to walk around with a bloody knee the rest of the day.  Then, there was the time in tenth grade when I tried to kiss this boy I liked and we ended up bumping heads. OR more recently, the time I was trying to seduce this really attractive guy and ended up falling off of the couch we were on.  See, it's extremely hard to choose just ONE embarrassing moment when my life is so full of them.

The moral of this story is, I am extremely clumsy.  Also, I should probably not make the first move to avoid physically injuring myself or others.

Funny Moment...

As a first grade teacher, I have hilarious moments all of the time.  My kids are always saying things or doing things that make me smile. For instance, this morning, one of the little girls in my class handed me this super heavy owl statue--actually I think it was once a doorstop--as a gift. (Pictured above) When I asked her where she got it from, she said, "I found it in the ditch, so I cleaned it off and brought it to you because I knew you'd love it!" (Background--my classroom is decorated with owls.) I placed it proudly on the book shelf behind my desk, so it could creepily watch over the entire class. It's moments like these that make me so happy I get to work with children. They seriously make my day all the time.

A Piece of Advice

This is a little piece of advice that I give others but rarely take myself.  If someone doesn't serve you, make you grow as a person, or care about your happiness, WALK AWAY. If they don't care to spend time with you, don't try to spend time with them.  If they don't respect you, don't stand for it.  If we put up with people who treat us terribly, we will continue to attract people who treat us that way.  (I also know that it's incredibly difficult to spot the douchebag if you're the one who this is happening to.) I'm quick to tell my friends, "He treats you like crap! Why do you keep putting up with that?", yet I know I've put up with it myself.  A LOT.

You just have to remind yourself that you are a person of value and if someone does not see that, then they are not worth your precious time.  Be strong enough to walk away from them.

Fears and such

Today's "Blog Every Day in May" topic was "what are you afraid of?"  Well, I am probably one of the most cautious people on the planet when it comes to trusting strangers. For example, you will NEVER see me climbing into a car to go home with a guy I just met out drinking at a bar.  I watch enough E! murder mystery specials to know that that's how you get abducted and raped and brutally murdered. (Also, I'm just not a one night stand kinda girl.)

As far as a deeper type of fear, I can sum up my main anxieties by quoting a song by Ben Howard which is actually called "The Fear":

I've been worryin' that my time is a little unclear
I've been worryin' that I'm losing the ones I hold dear
I've been worryin' that we all, live our lives, in the confines of fear.

In short, I'm afraid of not LIVING enough with the time I've been given. That I don't take enough chances or go crazy enough.  My fear is looking back and regretting NOT doing something.  I want to look back on my life and feel like I had an awesome, incredible journey. So, I guess my advice for myself comes from Ms. Frizzle, "Take chances, make mistakes, and get messy!" (Magic School Bus, anyone?)

"What Do You Do?"

I'm attempting to do this "blog everyday in May" thing so.... today's question was, "If you couldn't answer the question 'what do you do?' with your job, what would you say?" (I'm a first grade teacher, in case you didn't know.)  Everything I would want to say I "do" makes me sound creepy or lame. I "hang out with kids"sounds like I'm Matthew McConaughey's character from Dazed and Confused. I "inspire children to learn" or "change lives" sounds incredibly cheesy and like I'm glorifying myself.

What do I do? Hmmm...well, I perform.  I entertain. Occasionally, I sing.  I attempt to engage the attentions of 18 young children. I laugh. At my students but mostly at myself.  I try to make things fun.  I make sure no one gets seriously injured while in my care.  At the end of a long day, I also enjoy a nice glass of wine.  Because I deserve it.

Old Lady (or introvert) Problems

I had a really awesome and relaxing weekend. Friday night consisted of me and my roommate playing an Arrested Development drinking game on our couches in our pajamas. (AD Drinking Game Rules: Drink every time Tobias says something that's a double entendre, Lucille is drinking, anyone says the name "Bluth", there's a flashback, "The Final Countdown" is playing, Buster says "hey, brother", and any time Lucille says something about Lindsay's weight.) Needless to say, we got a lil' tipsy.  Saturday night consisted of me and a few friends watching "The Great Mouse Detective" and "Rescue Rangers: Down Under".  It was a freakin' sweet 80s/90s flashback. I seem to have equally as much (if not more) fun staying in than going out.  First of all, it's free. Second of all, I don't have to wear a bra. Or contacts. Or makeup. Or pants. Third of all, if I happen to get drunk, all I have to do is walk up the stairs and fall into bed.

Don't get me wrong, I can have fun out on the town.  However, I don't like to be anywhere where people are pushing up against me or spilling their drinks on me, OR where you have to yell at someone to be heard. I also don't like smelling like a freshly lit cigarette when I get home.  I prefer places where they have soft(ish) music playing, big comfortable booths, and minimal college frat guys/sorority girls grinding on each other. Somewhere you can order a glass of wine and not have people look at you like you're a weirdo. Somewhere where you can have a good time AND a decent conversation with your friends that doesn't involve you screaming over blaring music. Maybe I'm strange, or maybe I just really value genuine human interaction.

Currently listening to...

And these fingertips
Will never run through your skin
And those bright blue eyes
Can only meet mine across the room filled with people that are less important than you.

All 'cause you love, love, love
When you know I can't love you

So I think it's best we both forget before we dwell on it
The way you held me so tight
All through the night
'Til it was near morning

'Cause you love, love, love
When you know I can't love you...

-Love Love Love by Of Monsters and Men

YES.

Living in your letters.

I think that with all this technology crap, people are losing the ability to actually communicate face-to-face. Personally, since I abhor talking on the phone, I choose texting as my main means of communication (with people who don't live near me).  I think it's really funny because I can remember ye olde pre-texting days when I would literally wait by the phone for my "crush" to call me. (Pathetic, I know. But that's how I roll.) Then there were the days of passing notes in middle and high school:  confessing my loooove for ***** and how I hoped that he would ask me to Winter Ball.  And how I wished I wasn't so pale and should I try a spray tan? (BIG mistake).

I can vividly remember my first text message ever. Probably because it came from my high school boyfriend. "Close lipped, another goodnight kiss is robbed of all its passion." A Dashboard Confessional quote. I spent hours poring over these words--trying to interpret the meaning of them. Looking back, he was probably just eluding to the fact that he wanted to make out with me...? ...but then again, I tend to read too much into things.

Whatever happened to the days of good old handwritten (love) letters? Elizabeth went months without talking to Mr. Darcy, during which time their affections only grew stronger. (Yes, I'm aware these are fictional characters.) I can't even go a few days without receiving a text from a guy I like without thinking I said/did something wrong and that he no longer finds me attractive and/or worthy of his time. Why can't we all just slow down a bit, stop needing everything to happen RIGHT NOW, and savor a thoughtful, handwritten letter?  Then again, that requires the trust that distance and time apart does indeed make the heart grow fonder and that the person you care about won't just choose a convenient person because they're there. Hmmm...I wonder if I'm capable of such a thing?

BABIEEEEES (and no babies)

My very best friend in the entire universe just had a baby boy. (YAY!) He is perfect and chubby and adorable and her husband is absolutely precious with him. Seriously, her sweet little family is so amazing...it's EXACTLY what I want--eventually. Of course, it leads me to think about the lack of perfect family-ness/romance in my own life. For starters, my last kiss was like 3 months ago with a guy friend I'd been wanting to kiss for approximately 4 years.  (Sounds awesome, I know.) But, OF COURSE, I had to mess it up with my unmatched awkwardness.  After he kissed me, in a moment of complete and utter confusion and nervousness, I LAUGHED. Not just a cute little giggle, either...a full-fledged, near-snorting laugh.  Even thinking about it now, I inwardly cringe.  It was very similar to the episode of Friends when Ross puts his hands on Rachel's butt and she laughs at him--it completely ruined the "moment". Except in my case, I didn't have the guts to try to kiss him again.  I tend to over-think everything and that greatly lessens my chance of seizing the moment. So, here's to seizing the moment at any point in the future in the hopes that at some point, I too will have a sweet baby and a husband who wants to cuddle all of the time.

Well...

I've noticed that I do much better at writing things than actually saying them aloud. I guess this is because when I say something out loud, I usually don't use my brain-to-mouth filter and what I say generally comes out sounding awkward or bitchy or judgmental or rude. When I am forced to write things out, I have to put slightly more thought into it. I can also just press the "delete" button, which I sometimes wish I had in actual social situations. I am now going to attempt to charm the world with my "quirky web presence" ala Hannah Horvath from GIRLS. Chances are, it will not work, and only 2 people (including myself) will actually ever read the sad chronicles of my life, but alas, I can still try.  I wish I had something useful to offer up in my blog, but I'm not super creative or fashionable or good at photography, etc.